The Buddhists have been right all along

Not that it's a news flash, but the Buddhists have it right. Less is more. I have a love/hate relationship with material possessions, especially now. In general, I've long felt that there are some days when it seems so easy to get caught up in the wanting, which totally skews your perspective of what "enough" means. Other days it's easy to see how more stuff makes life more cumbersome. We're less agile, we can't be spontaneous, when we're weighed down by things. Post fire, it's even weirder. I start off trying to salvage absolutely everything - I just want some remnant, any remnant of life before - even stupid things, even easily replaceable things, and even things I never really liked all that much in the first place. Before long we're smashing sooty dishes and throwing away things I used to define as keepsakes, in an almost cavalier manner. It's all a big rollercoaster ride.

Since it all went poof, for me there has been quite a broad range of emotions. I miss my stuff and yet I never want to have that much stuff again. I feel a bit rudderless without my physical world and yet it's simultaneously liberating. I'm sad and happy, wistful and relieved, lost and found.

A lot of people might think it would be exciting to have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. But every time I go to a store, I am almost paralyzed. I wonder to myself "Well, what do I need?" and the answer that comes back is always the same "Everything...and yet nothing." I wander around like a zombie for an hour, then eventually buy something - like a single pair of socks - and walk out. At this rate, it's going to take a loooong time.

After the fire people were amazingly generous. You would not believe the bag upon bag upon truckload after truckload of stuff that showed up. As I keep saying, it is all so very humbling - there are moments when I'm not sure I will ever be able to dig out from these deep, deep, and enormous feelings of humility. "Pay it forward" has become such a cliche' but I know that it is the only way.

Within four days of securing temporary housing, it was filled to the brim with every creature comfort imaginable. We felt like we had to apologize when people would stop by, and explain how the heck we (the poor homeless fire survivors) manage to have the world's biggest big screen TV in their (temporary) living room. We've actually had to bring things to Goodwill. This feels good because it's like a gift that truly gives twice. First to us, who are over and over again so very appreciative. Then we realize that, even now, we have enough - and so the second gift is to someone we'll never know. Receiving, and then giving. Two gifts for the price of one.

So with the insurance situation, there are separate settlements for structure and for contents. Two separate clauses in your policy, most likely. And so we have two separate adjustors, two separate claims. When they decided to total the house, things were relatively simple. We had a maximum amount that the structure was insured for and so the insurance company wrote us a big fat check and said "Good luck". That was it. The rest is for us to figure out.

Contents are another story.

They have totaled our contents. Yes, every single thing in our home has been declared "unsalvageable" except for our two bedroom dressers, which came from my grandparents (and for which I am extremely grateful). Like the coverage for the structure, we also have a maximum amount that our contents are insured for. So where's my other big fat check? Not so fast. For contents, we have to provide a detailed inventory of every. dang. thing. in. our. home. We have to include its age, purchase price, where purchased, etc. No, I am not freaking kidding you (which was my first question). Just think about your kitchen alone. Mentally open each drawer, each cabinet, what's on the countertops, what's hanging on the walls. Even for people who don't have a lot of stuff, there's a lot of stuff in there. Add on top of that, well, the room and the stuff don't exist any more so can you make that list from memory? While functioning on half your cylinders after a traumatic experience? And working full time? The task is daunting. Yeah, I'm whining.

Supposedly once we provide insurance with these inventories for each room, they go about determining the fair *depreciated* value for our things. And that depreciated value is what we'll get. So the stoneware that we've had since we got married 23 years ago? I imagine that'll bring in about a buck and a quarter. We're actually sort of penalized for having old things. You may be thinking "Well, phew, thank goodness we're covered for replacement value, not just depreciated value". To that I say simply, "Yeah, so are we."

The game goes like this - we provide this detailed inventory, and we get the check for the depreciated value of everything. If and when we actually go out and purchase the replacements, and provide the insurance carrier with the receipts, then and only then do they give us the full replacement value. If we don't play the game, we don't get our full insurance coverage that we've been paying for all these years.

I can see that, like it or not, we are going to have a long and intimate relationship with these guys.

In my next life, I plan to have less stuff. Hoard less, detach from more. I am going to be so much smarter in my next life.