like magic

it was perfectly serene. just aly and i, sitting in the kiddie pool. she was sweetly, adorably, quietly pouring water from one cup to another in her little ruffly bottom bathing suit with the big diaper bum. she was 17 months old. we had it to ourselves, which was a good thing because it was summer in texas which meant an easy 100 degrees, and i felt like i was about 13 months pregnant while waiting for baby #2 any. day. now.

suddenly, the gate to the pool burst open with a bang and a stampede of noisy, dirty, loud, rowdy and rambunctious *boys* came running in, all hollering and shoving, and shooting their super soakers, and nearly sending little aly bum over teakettle.

i froze.

because it suddenly occurred to me that this thing growing inside of me could be...oh say it ain't so...one of them. i always knew there was only two ways to go with this baby thing. and i had become familiar - actually completely charmed - with the way things had gone the first time around. and i couldn't at that moment imagine things going any other way, even though i suppose i had known logically all along that "it" could be "him".

we were living in the dallas area - richardson, to be exact. i was working for the best company that ever existed (and those of you who were with me then know that i am right), we had bought our first house, i was deeply, madly in love with my husband, and we had this precious, gorgeous, smart, and absolutely perfect little angel. life was pretty perfect.

and now it dawned on me that there was a real potential that i was about to f it all up by giving birth to one of those wild and uncivilized little beasts.

i was beside myself. but where was i to turn? we were the first of our local friends to have kids, and my family was 1500 miles away. where could i turn? who would understand? who could guide me? i needed immediate relief from this haunting nightmare.

i turned to my invisible friends on the web. oh the web was new back then, and we didn't necessarily have all your fancy gizmos and gadgets...like GUIs (feh!)...but we had usenet. and usenet had newsgroups. and i had gotten attached to a certain newsgroup called misc.kids.

we were people all over the country, and all over the world - and we talked about anything and everything that had to do with young humans. not everyone was a procreator, and discussions were lively and thought provoking. and since we were so far from family, misc.kids became a welcome and welcoming respite as we navigated our way through as first time parents.

i went home from the pool that day and posted about my experience. GAH. boys! and more importantly, how was i ever going to be able to love this #2 whatever-it-was, as much as i already loved my perfect angel aly? and would aly be cheated because she'd have to share us with another child? really, new parents are pretty close to insane.

thankfully, one of my buddies on misc.kids had children a little older than mine. and he responded with words that stay with me to this day. about how love is really amazing because it is infinite. so it's not like you have one bucketful of love and have to dole it out. he had learned that he didn't have to carve out love for #2 from the love he had for #1. they each got all of his love. because love is magical that way, and 1 divided by 2 equals 2. and 1 divided by 4 equals 4. like magic.

those words were so comforting to me (though they did not specifically address the horrors of little boys). i saved his words all these years. his reply was still on my computer just 7 months ago, and now his words lie with the ashes - but are still strong in my heart and mind (although i will never remember them as eloquently as he had written them).

as our newsgroup evolved, some of us actually had face to face gatherings when time and geography would allow. we made annual photobooks, and we did remote christmas gift exchanges (i once made tie dye shirts for a family of 6 whom i had never met). we shared so much in writing that when we did meet, it often felt like we were seeing old friends. for the first time.

we shared triumphs and tragedies, births and deaths, first steps and first proms, life's ups and downs. these people, most of whom i never met, were a wonderful lifeline for me when i was in the middle of nowhere texas far from my family and childhood friends.

over time i kind of drifted. life got busy, and so i participated less. the kids grew up and as they needed us a little less, i guess i needed that intimate support a little less. i stayed in touch with one or two, but often thought of the others.

enter facebook. which for all it's shortcomings and pitfalls, does have the amazing ability to draw people back together from a lifetime ago. so the fire came and ate our house, and within hours word was out on fb. and somehow someone from my old usenet newsgroup stumbled upon me and learned of our story. and one friend told another who told another who told another, and the love came pouring in. from people i had not been in touch with in *years*.

one day jack asked me "who is kate d"?. what? what do you mean who is kate d? the past blasts to the present. "someone named kate d just made a donation to the paypal account for our fire recovery". oh my word. why? how? it had been so long since i'd even heard her name. and shortly after that, i received a box in the mail with an exquisite, hand knitted scarf in all of my favorite colors. from kate d.

this amazing, talented (she is also world class storyteller), generous, thoughtful woman who undoubtedly was busy with her own life and whom i had not so much as exchanged an email with in, literally, years - she took the time to reach out.

and, by the way, i have never met kate d.

now tell me again how unfortunate my situation is, because some days i seem to be missing that.

so to bring this back around to that day 17 years ago at the kiddie pool, as you all know i did in fact end up having one of those *boy* things. and you know what? he wasn't all loud and rambunctious and rowdy (well, at least not all the time). and my love *did* expand just like that guy said it would. and i am able to love emmett with all my heart while still loving aly with all my heart. magic! and my life has been enriched and expanded and challenged and blessed in ways i never could have expected, simply as a result of his arrival on the planet. so happy 17, emmett!

full tilt, full time

anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes with jacko knows about his love for his beloved new england patriots. and it would only take 5 minutes because, unless it was football season, he might first be talking about his beloved red sox, or his celtics, or his bruins. and so our family room, where the big screen tv was, had become a shrine of sorts. over the years many of us have purchased great photos and memorabilia for jacko. he had footballs from three of the pats four superbowl appearances, a red sox banner from after the 86 year drought, and many many framed photos, some autographed. our walls were adorned with photos of the 2002 snow bowl, and of bobby orr's great, classic 1970 stanley cup goal, of mchale, bird, and parrish together on the bench, and a particularly painful autographed photo of the ball going through buckner's legs in '86 (courtesy of baze, that bastard) - among many others.

baze had come over a few days before christmas with something for jack. since they don't officially exchange christmas gifts, baze called it a "housewarming gift" (perhaps a poor choice of term, in hindsight). it was an autographed, framed photo of tedy bruschi. years ago, when we had all gotten our pats jerseys, jack had chosen #54. what a perfect addition to jacko's collection.

when the big ball of flame came two days later, the family room was one of the rooms that was completely consumed. and along with everything else that was lost, was all of jack's memorabilia. if you're not a diehard sports fan, you may not be able to relate to that loss. but it represented a passion jack that had shared his whole life - with anyone who would listen. it provided endless fodder for conversations with his dad and mine, gave him something to pass on to the kids, something to share with his best buddies up in rhode island (that they had shared since childhood), and - on a personal note - a great source of inspiration for jack's gifts over the years. next to his photographic equipment and all of the many many beautiful photos he has taken, i think he'll miss that memorabilia most.

we hadn't yet hung up the new photo in the family room. it had been on the island in the kitchen where jack had unwrapped it. but unfortunately, the kitchen was another room that was completely engulfed. so the new photo had also been lost.

after the smoke had cleared, a few days post fire, baze was helping us sift through the debris as we somewhat futilely continued to look for anything that could be salvaged. the mood was momentarily lifted when baze uncovered this gem in the kitchen:

all that was left of baze's gift to jacko happened to be a fragment of the photo that prominently showed good old #54. of course tedy bruschi knows his own brand of adversity having suffered a stroke followed by heart surgery in early '05 when he was just 31. knowing that bruschi had fought his way back and had made a miraculous return to the field just 8 months later, we stood there amidst the ashes and commented on his spirit in the face of adversity and how tedy was a shining example for us. he was simply unstoppable.

baze, who with the exception of baseball season when he suffers from seasonal insanity, shares jack's new england sports passion. he has spent many many sundays at our house. he gets jack. and he gets how much all that stuff meant to him. so he got to work - but i don't think even baze had a clue about what he was capable of doing for his friend.

this is not just about how wonderful baze is, though that is certainly where this particular story starts. it's also about more people reaching out - people who we have never met.

baze is a member of an online community of patriots fans. over the years he has developed friendships with several of the other members, in particular the community manager - a guy named randy (aka "zip"). zip maintains the patriots fan web site, which has built a community that spans the US. zip is as diehard as they come. he is a veteran tailgater and even earned the official title "patriots fan of the year" in 2001. and zip knows *his* own brand of adversity, having lost his eye sight to a neurological disorder in 2000.

zip is blind, but like tedy he is also unstoppable as recent articles about him can attest (http://wbztv.com/local/blind.hiker.washington.2.1769438.html and http://www.ledgertranscript.com/article/focusing-on-his-abilities).

so baze knows zip (though they've never met) and they share a bond. and zip has, over the years as a #1 fan, gotten friendly with a certain full tilt, full time patriots linebacker (you guessed it, #54).

jack <-> baze <-> zip <-> tedy.

baze had obviously told zip of our situation because one day in february, a package arrived. we all stared at the return address. it was hand written. it said "bruschi".

this is what we found inside:

unstoppable indeed.

thank you, zip and tedy, for the kindness you have shown to people you have never even met and for the role models you continue to be. thank you baze for helping to bring a smile back to jacko's face (after the tears in his eyes). you all make *us* feel unstoppable. tedy's photo is already helping to make our temporary rental house feel like home and we could not imagine a more perfect first memento for our new family room.

a house becomes a home

it's kind of nuts, some days.

i've been riding the emotional rollercoaster for months now and have joked about how i have zero control over my emotions these days - like i don't even try to control it any more and i have come to accept that on occasion i will spontaneously combust, usually at the most inconvenient times. like at work, or while driving down the street, or while talking to an acquaintance. as i have said before, the time when i feel like i should or would break down, when i am with my nearest and dearest, i usually don't. instead i feel a surge of strength or stability or something. i've come to accept this.

i have pretty much always been close to my one and only brother, paul,

except for those few pre-teen years when he teased me unmercifully and i thought he was wicked (and not in a good way). of course if we didn't have those years, i'd find our relationship too stepford-like - but those memories add just the right amount of normal to our history.

arriving on the planet a full two years ahead of me, he really has grown to be the perfect big brother in so many ways. he shoulders a lot, has built a beautiful, model family, and is always without fail there for me. he's always there for everyone, though - not just me. but i know i have a special place as his "little sister". and so his was one of the very first phone calls that i made on christmas morning. i knew my parents were on their way to his house to celebrate the holiday, and i wanted paul to be able to break our news to them as gently as possible. i was afraid that i'd break down as soon as i heard my parents' voices, and that would worry them, and leave them feeling fairly helpless at 1500 miles away.

and so i called my big brother.

it was early, 9am maybe? the smoke was still rising - but they were already up probably hard at work in their kitchen making some amazing tapas and his awesome focaccia like they often do for their guests. i think i asked paul to get my sister in law chris on the phone too. and once i had them both, i started to tell them what had happened - that we were ok, that the house was gone.

we talked about how best to tell my folks - we would wait until they arrived at his house. there was no point in calling them on their cell phone while they were in transit - i was worried that the shock would be too stressful. then he reminded me that "they only turn on their cell phone when they need to call someone" anyway :-) once they arrived at his house, he'd sit them down and tell them that - first and foremost - the four of us were ok, and then the details. we had a plan, and then i would call them later once the dust had settled and i felt more in control of my emotions.

of course our plan fell to pieces as we were standing outside mo and ronnie's at about 11am and my cell phone rang. caller ID told me it was my parents. wow, that was fast. my dad sounded surprised at the sound of my voice. but wait, i said, you called me so how can you be surprised it's me? he told me that he was trying to call my brother, to let them know that he and my mom were running late. somehow he had dialed me instead. knowing they were en route, i quickly debated - do i tell them? or let them get to my brother's house first? i've never been anything but an open book so it took about a nanosecond before i was telling my dad everything. and then my mom got on the phone. i held it together as i shared it all with them.

in the days and weeks after the fire we had many heart to hearts with my brother and sister in law. one january day, jack and i arrived home at the same time and walked in to our rental house together. we were stunned momentarily by what we saw. there, displayed across the kitchen table, were a dozen beautifully framed photos of our family - all ages, all stages. we both wept. we embraced.

aly was there and had unpacked the box when it arrived. she was responsible for the display, which was simultaneously overwhelmingly gut wrenching and amazingly heart warming. a big box had arrived from my brother's family. in it, a photo collection of our lives, delicately and thoughtfully framed and ready for us. photos i had assumed were gone forever. there were more than the framed photos too - generous gift cards for each of the four of us, sweet heartfelt notes, and a lifetime's worth of other photos and videos on CD and DVD. everything paul and chris could pull together, they did.

it's funny how you don't necessarily know the things people notice about your home. when i called to thank them, chris said that she had been thinking of our house and how we always have had a multitude of family photos on the walls - which was really true because i always felt my kids got jipped by living so far away from their extended families. i just never knew anyone noticed. we always made sure to capture moments, vacations, holidays - to have photos of so many cherished family members all around us. after all, 2D is better than no-D.

chris and paul not only knew how devastating the loss of our photos would be for us, but took the time to sift through their own collection and try to recreate ours. in an instant, that one box they sent had transformed a little, temporary rental house into our home.

i had been feeling so uncomfortable in the rental house. this was not my house. these were not my things. i was living with a stranger. and once i had familiar photos to spread around, my perspective seemed to change. instead of feeling like "these are not my things", i saw a kitchen table from rick and theresa, dishes from cathy and dave, a sofa from lori, a fridge from the danielsons, and so much more - the house and its contents became a composite of the goodwill we had received from all of the people who had reached out to us.

and in a moment, a house became a home.