i nailed it

It has been so long since I wrote anything here. So long. That's a sign, right? Because as we get farther from Christmas 2009, get settled in a new home, send Emmett off to Texas State, and Aly to Dublin for the fall semester, we get more entrenched in our new normal. We're busy - life goes on, as it should.

There are these moments every once in a while, and they get farther and farther apart. I had one tonight when I put the first nail in a wall. We have been here since February and we have never hung one thing on a wall (well, Aly and Emmett have made their rooms their own, but Jack and I have not started yet). It's hard to make that first nail hole.

Jacko's out of town for a week and the kids are both working so when I saw a box in the closet labeled "Framed pictures", I got motivated. And what was the first thing I hung up? You want to know, don't you? Well, the first *picture* I hung up is the autographed photo from Tedy Bruschi (see "full tilt, full time" from July 2010). Prior to that I actually had hung up one of those Greek charms that ward off the evil eye. It seemed appropriate to break the ice with that one - but Tedy's was the first of three pictures that I hung tonight.


Of course it takes me half an hour to decide where to hang each thing so it's exhausting. This makes me take frequent breaks. Which prolongs the process. But regardless. On one of my breaks, I walked out in the backyard to check on all of the lovely things we have planted (well, *Mike* has planted, but whatever :-) and was happy to see that the storm we got last night really livened things up out there (we've been in this exceptional drought for quite a while). And while I was checking things out I saw that little patches of purple queen wandering jew (go ahead, make a joke) that used to grow in the far back corner of the backyard pre-fire, were popping up all over. After being completely neglected for over a year, and in a drought, after being bulldozed and backhoed, darn if that little succulent son of a gun wasn't coming back. What resilience.

And *that* made me thing about resilience. I think resilience is something I can say, with a fair amount of confidence, that I have - and that feels good. BECAUSE whenever I read one of those stories in the news about a guy jumping on subway tracks to save a fellow human in distress, or similar acts of profound bravery, I can't help but wonder if I would have the chops to do something like that if I were in that situation. I have to admit I am not 100% sure I would, and for those brief few moments when I am reading or thinking about that story, I am plagued by the fact that I don't know. I find it reassuring to know absolutes about myself, one less thing to worry about - and I can't say with certainty that I am brave. Since it is a trait I greatly admire, I am wistful. Since I'm not 100% sure, I am hopeful. I may never know.

I just had to stop right now and ask myself where am I going with this, and of equal importance - when will I get there? I guess just that it's nice to know that I am resilient. I may have never known before but now that I have been bulldozed and backhoed, I know.

This is what goes on in my head. No wonder it takes me two hours to hang a picture.